I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
