the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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