Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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