I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
