my soul wont recognize me after tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
