at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
