i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's always time for handjobs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
