I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
