We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
