He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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