tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
