I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
