Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can Purell be used as lube?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
