I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
