These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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