Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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