I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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