I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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