My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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