can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
how does that bad decision feel?
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