I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
