it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
