Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
