He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
