saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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