the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
