I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You smell like stripper and shame
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
