I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
