then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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