So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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