nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
