totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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