i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
