He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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