Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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