that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
