Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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