that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
