Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
