ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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