Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
