i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
