He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
