I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
