Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
