It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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