he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
