If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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