I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
