I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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