She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
