i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
