God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
