there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
