I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Damn victory sex feels great
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
