i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
